Annoyance

Person 1: Is Person 2 delivering tomorrow?
Me: I’ll check.
Me (to Person 2): Hi, will the delivery happen tomorrow? We are flexible on time, so let me know.
Person 2: Yes, afternoon will work. I’ll text ahead of time with an ETA.
Me (to Person 2): Great, thanks!
Me (to Person 1): Person 2 will deliver in the afternoon.
Person 1: Oh, what time, because I have to step out.
Me: Not sure, they said they’d text ahead of time.

*Eye Roll* Doesn’t it seem like Person 1 and 2 should just communicate directly? Why do I need to be a middle man here! Fucking stupid, as if I know in intimate detail other people’s schedules! *Grumble, grumble*

Mites

For the past week we’ve been dealing with mites. It started last week Tuesday 4/9. We went to the park with some school families and had dinner, and when I came home I had 4 large bites on me. I figured they were mosquitos from the park. But over the course of the next few days I racked up more and more bites. By the time Saturday hit, I knew it wasn’t mosquitos. I’ve had mite bites before and the bite pattern was the same. J was also getting bites so we did a mass cleaning of the house. All the bedding. All the misc blankets. Vacuumed. Gave the dog a couple baths. Purchased mite spray on Amazon. I’ve continued to get bites up until yesterday, which is when J received the mite spray and did a full spray down of the fabric furniture and beds. Today might’ve been the first day of no new bites, but I’m knocking on wood cause these bites are ferocious. They’re swollen, very itchy, grouped in 2’s or 3’s. For the past week I’ve been waking up itchy in the middle of the night and try my hardest to resist scratching but fatigue clouds the rational mind late at night. I currently have at least 40 bites, give or take a few. No joke. I really hope the mite spray holds up. We still don’t know the cause of the mites. Our dog seems fine. No open crawl space vents. No sign of anything amiss. Just one day living life as normal and the next day getting bit up like crazy. Wtf is up with that. Anyway, I’ve mentally gone into a crazy place where I feel like I’ll never be non-itchy, so please send me some positive vibes. Thx.

Fertility ptsd

Today our pastor talked about how Paul found contentment and peace even while in jail being treated horribly. The lesson was to try to be like Paul – being content with what you have is often a struggle and can lead to desires that are outside of what God wants. Pastor then said he has not reached the level of Paul and that an example is the fact that he and his wife have struggled with having a child and recently his wife became pregnant but later miscarried. How can one find peace/joy/contentment when going through an emotional struggle such as that? He asked for prayer and one of the other pastors led a prayer for them and it became such an emotional thing that I couldn’t help but cry. Honestly every time someone mentions IVF I freeze inside. Every time someone becomes pregnant, I cry. Every time someone loses a pregnancy, I cry. I really don’t think I’ve emotionally worked through the mental scars of IVF and miscarriage. An easy answer would be to see a therapist, but tbh I’d rather not. I don’t even want to talk about it. I’d rather just suffer once in a while and try to work through it piece by piece by myself. Typical stubborn me.

Busy weekend

I’m way behind on journaling these days. I meant to journal the last few days cause things actually happened lol.

On Friday, we had house guests – JF’s college friend and fam. I actually don’t mind at all having house guests esp if they have kids, cause J has a really fun time with any kid that has stayed in our house. The only thing with this visit is that we thought they were arriving Saturday, but turns out it was Friday so JF had to rush and clean the house while I was at work, then when I got home from work, I helped out. They arrived late, like 10pm.

Saturday our friends had plans with their family and sister church, so they were out all day. We did our normal thing – JF had class and I did errands with J. He asked me, “Can we not do errands next Saturday?” Haha! Sorry, kid, this is prime time to do errands! We got rid of some old stuff at the local e-waste recycle center and they also take medical needles, so I finally got rid of all my sharps containters from when I did IVF. I actually had so many extra needles that the pharmacy gave me (and they don’t take extras back, even when they are individually wrapped and unopened), so I had to open all the extra needles and put them in the sharps container, cause they wouldn’t have all fit with the wrapping on. Anyhow, doing this task opened a small can of worms and PTSD of giving myself shots and not being able to get pregnant. I’m glad those items are finally out of the house.

J had his last basketball game of the season and did well. We signed him up for the next season so hopefully he’ll get one of the good coaches. This season he got a good one and I feel it helped him progress in his playing ability.

Sunday we went to church then pretty much vegged at home in the afternoon. Watched the Oscars. Haven’t seen Poor Things, so no idea what that movie was about and it won so many awards. Friends were out all day with church activities and came back to the house around 9pm. Ended up chit chatting till 12! So tired cause it was also daylight savings – lost an hour.

Leap Year Day

Thought I should write something as this day comes every 4 years. I remember the last leap year I had an IUI that was a failure. Sometimes memories come back that make me melancholy but I honestly don’t have anyone to talk to about it. Who would truly understand? Who would be able to empathize instead of thinking “get over it”? I can’t even talk to JF because he’s so wounded from not having a 2nd kid that bringing it up would just be too aggravating. So I keep everything to myself in my mind.

Exercise

I’ve been trying to exercise more because I need it and JF constantly nags me lol. Went to the gym and did exercise bike since the treadmills were all being used. I did about 20 minutes and then stretches and crunches.

JF agreed to free our exercise bike at home from the closet so I’ve been using that as well – at least 15 mins in a session. Who knows if this will help me in the long run but guess it can’t hurt.

I also got a new Apple Watch because my current one is the series 2 from 2016! Actually it works fine but the battery dies so fast. Half the time it doesn’t make it through the work day and that sucks. So I saw the SE 2nd gen on sale, so I pulled the trigger and upgraded to a new watch after 8 years haha. So far loving it! It came with a watch band that I really like as well. Score!

Ramen

J really loves ramen so we eat a lot more ramen than we probably should. Went to Daikokuya which we haven’t been to in awhile. Luckily the wait wasn’t too long. JF got the combo with prime rib which was really delicious. I wanted to share his combo and get an appetizer or something but he insisted he was eating all of it so I ordered a tsukemen for myself which was super tasty. Turns out JF couldn’t finish his ramen! Hah! Anyway, I realize I like the thicker noodles of tsukemen than the thinner noodles that normally come with ramen. J devoured his huge bowl of ramen which is quite impressive considering he is in elem school.

We got Cody some new food bowls since we finally weened him off sleeping in the crate and now do not need the large waterproof mat under the crate. So we got a small mat just to go under the food bowls, but we also decided to get him raised bowls so he doesn’t have to bend at the neck. He’s not a tall dog but I’m sure over time it’ll put strain in his neck. The bowls are great and the mat is nice but it curls up at the ends! The problem is that it is shipped rolled up, but it’s rolled the wrong way so when you lay it down the ends curl up! If they rolled it the opposite way, the ends would curl down, into the ground, and thus lay flat! Sigh. I read comments that complained about this exact thing and goes to show these small business owners have never had to unroll a set of construction or architect drawings because it’s a known fact in the industry to roll with the text facing out so when you unroll it lays flat on a desk instead of curling up. This dog mat should have been rolled with the design facing out. Period.

Piping

Thought my cough was getting better but I just had a raging coughing fit with no mucus coming out – lol. Earlier today I ate a mandarin orange, and I forgot how citrus makes you cough and it sure did! I was at work and managed to suppress it decently. Speaking of work, trying to figure out piping for this project and it just ain’t working! Not enough room for elbows! Not enough room for unions! Too low for a ball valve! The nice thing about this job is that I learned a lot of new things about plumbing and electrical that I didn’t know before.

Winter cold

Today is Day #8 of my cold! But it has improved a bunch and I’m almost 100% better. Today is Wednesday and I got sick last Tuesday. Actually, I started feeling it on Monday, so perhaps today is Day #10. Nothing major – your typical fatigue, sore throat, stuffy nose. I took 2 covid tests during the week to make sure it wasn’t covid, but I had a feeling it wasn’t since the last time I got Covid, it hit me like a brick. But, variants keep popping up and symptoms of each variant change, so it’s good to be sure of course. After the first couple days the cough appeared and it has not completely gone away. It’s always way worse in the morning when I first wake up and in the evening. The morning is the worst though – I have globs of mucus in my throat from sleeping in the night and until I cough it up, I just can’t stop coughing! So annoying. JF has been sleeping in the guest room because he doesn’t want to get sick, plus my coughing in the night will wake him up.

One thing that’s happened since I’ve been sick this week is that Cody pup will jump in bed with me in the middle of the night. Lately we’ve been letting him sleep in J’s bed and we put away his crate for good. But since JT the Enforcer is in the guest room, Cody jumps right into bed with me and I’m too sleepy to take him back to J’s room. Tbh, he probably loves sleeping next to me, so I allow it. He’s a snuggle guy.

Zzzzz

Oh wow I’m so tired today. I actually worked hard at work trying to make changes on a shop drawing set. I finished it but boss has some notes so I have to do some revisions tomorrow. But I didn’t sleep early enough yesterday so I’m so sleepy right now and it’s 10:15p. Better get some rest cause we’re filming tomorrow after work … zzz.